NPSA Elfwood Snowflake Breach Confirmed By Jack Frost

Category: News From The FrontNorth Pole NewsNorth Pole Politics Comments: No comments

North Pole Dept of Defense Seal

Greetings Fellow North Poleans,

At 0900 on Sunday, we discovered a serious breach of North Pole Security at the NPSA while performing routine maintenance on Santa Claus’ Naughty and Nice database. We can confirm at this time that all Naughty and Nice files were copied. Additionally, a timed malware program designed to destroy the entire database had been downloaded into the mainframe, but we were able to disable it before it activated.

We have identified Elfwood J. Snowflake as the primary suspect in this heinous violation of the privacy of children around the world. NOEL has launched a global Elfhunt in order to apprehend this Naughty little Elf.

Our latest intelligence reports indicate that he was a sleeper agent of CRAZY, working as a private contractor for the Booze and Humbug. We believe that he fled the North Pole sometime late Saturday evening and will likely attempt to seek asylum with CRAZY in the Southern United States of America.

At this point, it is impossible to ascertain what his motives may have been. But, we believe that CRAZY was interested in utilizing the Naughty List as a recruitment tool. They will likely use the Nice list to conduct another of their infamous “witch hunts” to round-up and imprison those children on the Nice List.

I have assigned Colonel Rudolph and his 1225th Elfantry to capture this rogue elf. I urge you to be patient  and I want you to know that the North Pole is in no danger of imminent attack by CRAZY or any other foreign power because of the actions of this irresponsible Naughty little elf.

We will find him and we will bring him back to the North Pole to stand trial for his crimes.

Under Santa Claus’ direct orders, I will  provide you with continual updates as they become available.



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