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Good evening, my fellow Elves.
I am proud of the success that we have achieved in converting the North Pole to renewable sources of Green and Red energy. Thanks to your efforts, we are no longer dependent on foreign sources of snow and ice. However, we are still dependent on hostile nations to maintain our ever-increasing need for coal.
That ends today.
Effective immediately, I have ordered the cancellation of the Stocking Coal Distribution Program for the Naughty. The decision to cancel this unpopular program is long overdue. With this action, the North Pole is now officially the most environmentally friendly nation in the world.
As important of a milestone as that is, it is not the main reason I come before you this evening.
After careful consideration, and with a heavy heart, I came to the realization that in order to win the War On Christmas, we must expedite The North Pole Elf Legion’s recruitment efforts. This effort will require the help of all children, Naughty and Nice alike.
In order to facilitate this, I have signed General Order #313, ordering the immediate suspension of the Checking of Lists, until further notice. I assure you, I did not make this decision lightly.
Due to the temporary nature of this suspension, the Nice and Naughty lists will both continue to be maintained. No elves will lose their jobs consequent to my having taken this action.It is my hope that we can return to regular order sooner, rather than later.
May Reason bless you, and may Wisdom continue to guide the North Pole.
Thank you and goodnight.
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