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Below is a summary of the three main factions fighting in the War On Christmas.

Christmas Rights for American Zealots of Yahweh – CRAZY

CRAZY seeks to protect Christmas from an imaginary assault by the non-existent ‘Liberal Homosexual Atheistic Agenda’. Their goal is to protect inanimate holiday decorations and the right to say “Merry Christmas”, neither of which are actually in any danger, at all costs. They believe that by denying rights, food, education and shelter to the poor will somehow eliminate the  problems of hunger, homelessness and poverty. READ MORE

 

Sane Americans Negating the Insanity of Theocratic Yahoos – SANITY

SANITY believes that Equal Rights are inherently Human rights, and that poverty, war, hunger and homelessness are the greatest threats facing humanity today.  Although the Agents of SANITY outnumber CRAZY by a  6 to 1 margin in America, SANITY has always tended to be less vocal and  organized due to the ‘big tent’ nature of their organization. SANITY has finally realized that silence is no longer an option. READ MORE

 

North Pole Organized Elf Legion – NOEL

Santa Claus reluctantly signed North Pole General Protection Order #1, on July 13, 1983 officially authorizing the North Pole Organized Elf Legion.  Santa deemed this action to be a necessary  response to protect the North Pole from aggression subsequent to United States President Ronald Reagan’s announcement of his proposal for the Strategic Defense Initiative, commonly known as “Star Wars”.

The 1225th Elfantry are an elite squad of NOEL formed in 1992 and is composed of the best of the best of Santa’s Elves. Modeled on the U.S. Secret Service, they are tasked with protecting Santa Claus, at all costs. Since being placed under the direct command of beloved Colonel Rudolph, they are affectionately known as the ‘Fightin’ Reindeer”. READ MORE