The Claus Wars is your trusted source for the latest news and in-depth coverage of Fox News’ War On Christmas and the Nice boys and girls of SANITY fighting to protect us all from the CRAZY Christmas Warriors.

We are the proud Elves of the 1225th Elfantry ‘Fightin’ Reindeer’ Division of NOEL – the North Pole Organized Elf Legion stationed at The North Pole HQ. 

As stated in the Official NOEL Field Manuals, the combatants in the War on Christmas are separated into two general groups:

Christmas Rights for American Zealots of Yahweh – CRAZY

They seek to protect Christmas from an imaginary assault by the non-existent ‘Liberal Homosexual Atheistic Agenda’. Their goal is to protect inanimate holiday decorations and the right to say “Merry Christmas”, at all costs. They believe that denying rights, food, education and shelter to the poor will somehow eliminate the  problems of hunger, homelessness and poverty.

Sane Americans Negating the Insanity of Theocratic Yahoos – SANITY

SANITY believes that Equal Rights are  Human rights. They recognize poverty, war, hunger and homelessness as the greatest threats facing humanity today.  Although they outnumber CRAZY in America, they have been less vocal and organized due to the ‘big tent’ nature of their organization, until recently. They have finally realized that silence is no longer an option.

In the past, Santa Claus and  NOEL chose to remain neutral in the armed military conflict, and only offer humanitarian aid to the suffering on both sides of this terrible manufactured conflict.  It has become clear that NOEL must engage militarily in order to finally bring this imaginary War on Christmas to a conclusion.

Santa Claus has decided that the most reasonable course of action is to form an alliance with the agents of SANITY. Once we received his orders, we assured him that he has the full and unconditional support of the NOEL Command, the enlisted Boys and Girls (both Naughty and Nice), along with all of the Elves in the North Pole.

Although we are the finest fighting force that the North Pole has ever seen, Santa Claus needs your help to bring this war to an end so we are free to enjoy the Holiday Season once again.

Please head to your local NOEL or SANITY Campaign’s Recruitment Office nearest you or Enlist Online TODAY to defeat CRAZY’s Leadership and restore SANITY to the world Tomorrow!

Together, we can help lead SANITY to victory and end the War on Christmas  – once and for all.

 

 
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