Santa Claus December 19 Elfidential Address To The North Pole

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Santa Claus Seal

Greetings my fellow Elves.

I come before you tonight, because my policy, and by extension, that of my Administration has always been one of openness and full disclosure.I am happy to report that Elfwood Snowflake has returned to the North Pole. He surrendered himself to me, personally, early this morning.

In an earlier statement, Secretary Frost announced that he believed that Snowflake had fled the North Pole. In fact, he was hiding in a cave a mere 3 blocks from his home. Therefore, the heavily encrypted copy of the Naughty and Nice List data he stole was never actually compromised by CRAZY.

It has always been my belief that even the Naughtiest Children and Elves are more Nice than Naughty. Were it not, I would not be capable of performing my duties as Father Christmas or the Head Elf of the North Pole.

I realize that this may not the best decision for me to make in terms of North Pole Politics. But, it is the right decision and I am not concerned with politics – and I never have been. My main concern is – and always will be – for the children of the world and the citizens of the North Pole.

In the spirit of Christmas, I have granted Elfwood Snowflake a full pardon. It is my belief that Mr. Snowflake is simply a young elf who was coerced by the nefarious agents of CRAZY into making a foolish mistake.

This decision does not mean that I take this serious situation lightly. However, he will never again have access to the Workshop, North Pole Government  nor will he be eligible to participate in the Annual Reindeer Games.

I’m afraid that I may bear some responsibility for Elfwood Snowflake’s ability to gain access to the list in the first place.

As you know, in 1998 my Administration began the process of modernizing The Naughty and Nice List.  It was no longer feasible or efficient for me to continue using hand-written ledgers to maintain the List. The maintenance costs of the ever-increasing storage space required alone, was crippling our budget.

I had been planning this for many years. But, the dramatic increase in global acts of terrorism that year forced me to concede that in order to secure The List, I had to act. I gathered my Cabinet together to discuss our options. At the time, the internet was in its infancy, and the Workshop had only just begun installing our first computer networks.

After many meetings, and intensive  lobbying by several private-sector North Pole Defense firms, I decided to allow the NPSA to enter into contractual agreements with three of these firms: Booze And Humbug, HollyBurton and North Pole Drumming. Given the rising sense of fear, both in the world at large and here in the North Pole, I believed that I was making the right decision.

I was wrong.

I never should have entrusted the security of The List to for-profit private sector firms. Their primary goal is to take as much money from National Treasuries as possible, with little regard for the people and governments that they contract with. This is not to say that they had free reign over the list. In fact, the opposite is true.

Unlike other Nations, my Administration implemented the Citizens Advisory National in Defense of Yule Council – CANDY in the very same order that created the NPSA. As you know, each year we randomly select 12 North Pole Citizens to serve on CANDY for a one-year term Additionally, my cabinet serves as a second oversight committee that watches over the NPSA’s actions, ensuring that your rights are not violated.

I have taken the following actions to ensure that this never happens again:

Effective today, the North Pole has ended all of its  contractual agreements with all outside firms. Not just in the NPSA and NPDOD, but in all branches of the North Pole Government.

I reached this decision based on two factors. At my direction, Treasury Secretary Scrooge  produced a report by showing these contractors charged twice, sometimes three times as much as employing our own capable North Poleans would cost. Additionally, our elves are now highly trained and participate in ongoing information technology training in order to keep up with the latest technological developments.

I have also made some personnel changes in the Administration.

Earlier today, I accepted the resignation of North Pole Defense Secretary Jack Frost along with that of the head of the North Pole Security Agency, Gen. Elfender. I am grateful for their many years of service to my Administration and the people of the North Pole. They agreed that changes were needed and that the best course of action would be to reorganize the NPDOD and NPSA under new leadership.

I assure you, I have always had your best interests at heart, and I always will.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank all of your for your hard work and dedication as we near the end this year’s Christmas preparations. Thanks to you, I am certain that we will have another successful night of deliveries!

May Reason bless you, and may Wisdom continue to guide the North Pole. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season!

Thank you and goodnight.

Santa Claus Signature

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