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North Pole Secretary of the Treasury Ebeneezer Scrooge was caught off guard by a reporter as he was leaving Scrooge & Marley’s late Friday. When asked if there was any truth to the rumors that Santa Claus was considering a major policy shift in The North Pole’s long-standing Stocking Coal Distribution Program for the Naughty, he reportedly replied “Get Out of my way!”
When pressed further, Scrooge replied “I’m just a simple accountant with no direct knowledge of any forthcoming policy changes, but I’ll tell you this much, I have yet to see a coal requisition on my desk and that’s just fine by me.” As is customary, Sec. Scrooge mumbled “Humbug! Bah!” as he stormed off.
The reporter, who says he wishes to remain anonymous, says there was an uncharacteristically cheerful tone in the Secretary’s ‘Humbug’ and an extra pep in his step, which led him to believe that the rumors are true.
When reached for comment, Santa’s Workshop Press Secretary Frosty T. Snowman refused to specifically confirm or deny the story but took the opportunity to announce that Santa Claus would make an Elfidential Address to the North Pole on Monday night to “Announce a decision regarding North Pole Policy adjustments. Beyond that, I am not authorized to provide further details. You’ll just have to wait until Monday.”
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