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NORTH POLE (TDP) – In a Friday morning briefing, Workshop Press Secretary Frosty T. Snowman announced that they have lost contact with Colonel Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer and members of his NOEL 1701st Brigade security escort team.
“Early Tuesday evening, Colonel Rudolph and his team was flying a routine pre-Christmas intelligence gathering mission. Due to poor visibility and unusually powerful tailwinds caused by a massive Winter storm, Rudolph nearly collided with a Boeing 747 Passenger jet on route from Dallas, TX to Miami, Fl.”
Snowman continued, “Fortunately, a mid-air collision was avoided and a tragic international incident averted. We lost communication with Rudolph shortly after he went down. I am sorry, but I am unable to offer any further details at this time. A statement will be released by Defense Secretary Frost as soon as he is able.”
In response to NPNN Workshop Correspondent Wolf Blitzen’s question regarding Colonel Rudolph, Snowman replied “I wish I could tell you, but I just don’t know. I am not privy to that information at this time.” As Snowman was walking away from the podium he added “My thoughts are with Rudolph, his team and their families during this crisis. ”
Mixed Messaging Regarding Rudolph’s Whereabouts
We reached out to North Pole Defense Secretary Jack Frost’s office for comment, but were told that he was currently unavailable. We were able to reach an unnamed senior Hexagon official who told us that “Details of the incident are still being sorted out. Colonel Rudolph is a highly trained officer of the 1225th Elfantry, so I know he’ll get his team home safely. ”
When asked about the discrepancy between his account and Snowman’s he replied: ” I don’t know why Frosty used the word ‘crisis’. Look, I shouldn’t even be talking to you at all. Sec Def Frost will release all non-classified information as soon as possible.”
Rudolph Possibly Snowboarded
We have received multiple unconfirmed reports that this incident occurred near the Texas-Louisiana border. Sources claiming to have first-hand knowledge of the situation report that Colonel Rudolph’s team was captured by the CRAZY forces in East Texas. It is unclear if they have been subjected to enhanced interrogation.
The Daily Jingle is working to confirm these reports. We will keep you informed as this breaking story develops.
Editor’s Note: Rudolph and I have been close personal friends for almost 50 years now. My thoughts are with Clarice and his family during this terrible time, as well as all the families of the 1701st Brigade.
Allow me to share with you footage from my home collection of how we first met:
Come home safely, old friend.
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