Grinch Factor Declares “Claus Is The Cause”

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Grinch Ponder

Well, folks, this is it. The end of Christmas as we know it has finally come.

Many are blaming the anti-Christmas domestic terrorist group SANITY (that’s right, I said it, terrorists!), and the softening of our North Pole morals by passing laws like GREAT, the Gay Reindeer and Elf Alliance Treaty. Once enacted last year, it allowed gay and lesbian reindeer and elves to join NOEL  — for waging the war on Christmas.

Those that place blame on liberal elitist groups and laws meant to slowly but surely deconstruct our Christmas spirit are absolutely correct, but a more in-depth look at the War on Christmas shows that the real culprit here is the man behind the curtain.

That’s right, Claus is the cause.

It pains me greatly to write those words, it really does. Santa has not only made boys and girls of all ages smile with absolute glee every time the Christmas season rolls around, but, as many of you are aware, he was also a major influence on my own adoration for Christmas.

Speaking as someone who spent a lifetime devising plans to wipe Christmas off the map only to be born-again as a full-fledged supporter of the most wonderful time of the year, I often turned to Santa as a source of leadership and guidance during the trying times of my early life as a born-again, right up until this year.

Grumpy SantaBut no longer can I sit idly by and watch the spirit of the season I love so much be systematically destroyed by the man who helped create it! I know, at first, it may be hard to accept the fact that our trusted leader may be the head villain in this war, but consider the recent news from the North Pole, and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

When GREAT was enacted, many of us decried its passing into North Pole law as not only morally wrong, but also putting the brave, straight, warriors of NOEL at risk — and by extension, all North Poleans — due to the well-known fact that gay reindeer and elves simply do not have what it takes to protect and serve.

Of course Santa Claus refused to believe it, even labeling some as  CRAZY as he signed the law right away. Fast forward a year and we have one of the greatest security breakdowns in North Pole history: the disappearance of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the death of Randy the Red Shirt Reindeer.

The incompetence of Defense Secretary Frost has been on full display since he refused to immediately assemble a recon team of Elite  NOEL members per the request of myself and others not drinking the SANITY cocoa to search for Rudolph and Randy. Had Frost done as we had demanded, Rudolph would have been saved earlier and perhaps Randy would still be alive today.

Has Frost received any sort of official request from Claus to step down as Defense Secretary? No? What about a public comment denouncing Frost’s handling of the situation? No again? Well, at least Santa has to have insisted Frost give testimony in front of a North Pole Safety Committee to explain to all of us what happened that night, and more importantly, why it happened, right? No AGAIN?

That’s right. Not only has Santa refused to hold Frost accountable, he has actually praised Frost for a “job well done,” and being a “great leader” while the community was holding its breath, hoping for the return of our beloved Reindeer.

Folks, this is just despicable.

How are we to win the war on Christmas, to save ourselves from those that kowtow to the nut jobs of SANITY, if our own leader is willing to protect the enemies? Not only has Claus failed us by upholding laws like GREAT, but when those laws fail right before our eyes and put us all in danger, he pats the culprits on the back, puts a smile on his face for the cameras, and goes back to his warm home in the center of town, waving to the children from his sleigh.

It’s time to stop making toys and to start waging war.

Grumpy Jack FrostWe need to send the message to Claus that enough is enough. If he keeps hiring dim-witted cabinet members like Defense Secretary Frost, and working with members of SANITY instead of adopting policies designed to protect Christmas, there will be no more children smiling ear to ear with Christmas spirit, and quite possibly no more Christmas at all.

As someone who almost made that a reality myself, but was shown the error of my evil ways, I will continue to voice my opposition to Santa’s support for the War on Christmas, and I hope you will join me too. Tell your family, tell your friends, and buy one of our t-shirts or bumper stickers.

Get the message out there:

Christmas is collapsing, and Claus is the cause.

-The Grinch

The Grinch

Opinion Journalist at Festive News Network
Since leaving his mountain bunker, The Grinch has worked for the Festive News Network. His nightly Grinch Factor show provides the world with fairly unbalanced opinions of current events.

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