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Good Evening.
We are pleased to report that Colonel Rudolph is recovering following an emergency transfusion of Christmas Magic at Tim Cratchit Memorial Hospital. Once he has been fully debriefed, we will allow to share any non-classified details with you at the earliest opportunity.
We can now confirm that the incident that occurred on Tuesday, November 26, 2013 involving Colonel Rudolph was not an accident. We believe that this was an act of aggression by a hostile CRAZY military squadron of F-16 fighter jets. We suspect these jets were launched from the Cheney Field, a CRAZY Air Force base located near Crazyville, Southern United States.
Early reports also indicate that a CRAZY military helicopter departed from Emperor Cheney’s home in Virginia bound for Crazyville shortly after we lost contact with Rudolph.
As you are aware, only true human believers under the age of 10 are able to detect North Pole Residents. Given that, we are uncertain how they were able to determine Rudolph’s precise location at the time of the incident.
North Pole Holiday Bureau of Investigation Director J. Edgar Who has launched a thorough internal investigation to determine whether or not internal leaks were involved. The NPDOD will cooperate fully and provide any assistance that Director Who may require.
We recovered the black box from Colonel Rudolph’s crash site. It was badly damaged, but we were able to salvage the following video filmed right before it stopped functioning. This footage appears to show local Crazyville residents possibly performing some sort of pre-sacrificial ritual.
I appreciate your patience as we continue to verify the facts as we proceed in our investigation.
- NPSA Elfwood Snowflake Breach Confirmed By Jack Frost - December 16, 2013
- Defense Secretary Frost Releases Rudolph Update - December 3, 2013
- Operation Reindeer Down Statement by Secretary Frost - November 30, 2013
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